A New Beginning

It all started with Myspace in 2004. I was newly divorced and quite lonely at the time, when a friend suggested I sign up. Of course, at first I thought it was a dating website, so I did nothing about it for about four months. When I finally signed up months later, I was hooked! My favorite part? Why, the blogging, of course!

Myspace blogs allowed me to express myself in only the way I can - without fear of scorn or embarrassment, as only those of my closest friends were able to read my blogs. However, as my friend list grew, my blog readers grew as well, and I soon learned that people were actually interested in what I had to say. I had a voice - I had a message, and apparently, people liked the way I was expressing it.

That forward momentum soon came to a screeching halt, however, after the death of my (now) husband's closest friend in March 2007. My last post was a simple one, serving only to advise where we were holding his benefit, and how to get there. For over two years now, I have been silent, unable to bring myself to express any sort of emotion - or is it more, unwilling? That's probably more like it. I have been unwilling to let anyone in, unwilling to open up to another person...

I view my life as a journey for the Truth. I always have, even from the youngest age. I can remember sitting in church, being bullied by my step-mother to pay attention to what the pastor was saying. But for why? He wasn't telling me anything I really needed to know. I didn't feel like he was offering what I was looking for, and I certainly didn't agree with everything that was being taught. Even at that age, I saw through the two-facedness of Christianity. "Love your brother as your neighbor - except when...or except if...unless...." This is true Christianity? What happened to unconditional love? Sure, I always considered myself a Christian - it would be blasphemous not to, right? Besides, the Fear of God had been burned into me, and I was afraid to venture out and have the audacity to to believe anything else. Fear kept me in check - but only just enough. Yet somehow I knew I wasn't getting the full story. My own beliefs, many based on personal experiences, just weren't adding up to what the Church was trying to teach. So I tuned it out, determined to find my own way.

It literally took a brother dying, then a grandmother, then a sister, then a grandfather - all within six months of each other - to somehow set me on the right path. I guess when one is desperately seeking some sort of answers, they'll look for it in some of the most unlikely of places. Somehow I began attracting articles that touched on some "New Age" beliefs, which I didn't pay too much attention to at first. Then, of course, came "The Secret,", which I had to read, because after all, everyone was doing it! It was all the rage. Recently I came across a website which, from my understanding of it, consists of readings channeled from angelic beings. After reading a few of the articles, I have to admit, I suddenly felt a renewed sense of self. A new energy had awakened within me, within my heart! My spark was suddenly back, my zest for life and love had returned, along with some of my creativity. Somehow, some of what I had read resonated within me, as though my entire being recognized what I was reading as the Truth I had been searching so desperately for.

I have to admit, what actually led me to begin reading the articles on this particular site was the fact that I've had these repetitive numbers appearing to me over the past year. It began with a series of three's.... When we moved into our house a year and a half ago is when I really began to notice it. I would look at the clock and see it was 3:33. Or I would see a license plate that had numbers "333" in it. Ordinarily I think of myself as kind of oblivious, not really "tuned in" as you might say. Normally I'm so wrapped up in my own thoughts and work that I barely notice anything else going on. But then it started with the 1's as well - I was constantly seeing 1:11 or 11:11 on the clocks, then I began noticing patterns of three's again - there is even a three carved into my fence, believe it or not. I just brushed it off as coincidence - that is, until I started to wake up at 3:33.

Those who know me know I love to sleep. I have to admit, it's probably my second-favorite pastime! Ok, maybe third...but I digress. The point is, when I'm asleep, I'm out for the night and there's not much anyone can do to wake me up or even get me out of bed before 6am. But for about a week I began waking up in what I thought was the middle of the night, only to find the clock read 3:33. That's when I decided to look into this phenomenon and see if there was anything behind it.

I did some googling, and found that I wasn't the only person this had been happening to. I found some websites that talked about ascension, and this being the wake up call for lightworkers, all of which I shrugged off as nonsense. Light workers! Me? What does that even mean, anyway!

Well, all that came and went and I was beginning to get used to the 1's and 3's - when two weeks ago, I started catching all the fives. Suddenly I was waking up at 5:55am, without my alarm even going off. Or I would "happen" to turn on my laptop right at 5:55pm (this actually happened three days in a row). Or I would pass a billboard, or a license plate, or...well, it isn't like me to catch sequential numbers like this, and it became a game. I would tell myself I wouldn't look at the clock until I knew it was well past that time, only to catch it some other way shortly thereafter. It began to pique my interest even more, I have to admit. So I turned back to the trusty ol' internet. After some further digging, I did discover that the repeating numbers are supposed to be a wake up call to our DNA - something about ascending into the fifth dimension? Yeah - I hear you! "What does that even mean?!" There are a lot of websites out there that talk about multi-dimensionality and ascension, which I am only just recently learning about. Apparently the "five" series relates to a New Beginning. From what I gather from all the reading I've done over the last several months, we need to release our fear and take our power. The resonating theme seems to be "Empower Yourself! Empower Each Other!" It's a nice message, admittedly, and one that I can take to heart. However, I still have so many questions.

The one thing that stayed with me after my husband's best friend's death (whom I refer to as my brother, as he was), was that I should not live my life in fear. He never wasted a day of his life because he was afraid of something - which I wish I could say for myself. He truly lived his life to the fullest, and has been an inspiration to me each day to strive to do the same. No longer will I fear my own thoughts, my own voice, for I now truly believe I am here for a reason. I've weathered too many storms to give up now - in fact, I've only just begun. This is my New Beginning. I hope you will join me in taking the first steps!