It's been a few days since I've written - not that I haven't thought about it numerous times! It's been a busy week, and sometimes it's just hard to get to the computer to write something down. However, I wanted to talk about this dream I had last night. All week, I've been having a hard time remembering my dreams, which happens sometimes. I seem to go through these phases where I remember them vividly, then the next week I remember nothing.
Last night, however, I do remember some bits and pieces that were pretty interesting. Normally I dream about moving to a new house, or I dream about someone chasing me and me having to figure out how to get away, and sometimes I dream about Tom Selleck. OK, that was only once, and it was really strange, but we can talk about that another time. Last night should be written down while I can still remember some of it!
OK, so all I remember is having my little girl and my hubby with me backstage somewhere. I was getting her dressed, brushing her hair, then realized "oh no! I need to get ready myself!" (This is not odd, in fact, this happens all the time!) So I ran to my dressing room, and the next thing I know, I'm sitting in a chair on a stage, surrounded by an orchestra. Oh, there's a flute in my hand. "OK," I think to myself... "I hope these people didn't pay a lot of money to hear me play this thing!" Obviously I do not play any instruments. As I'm thinking this to myself (knowing I'm dreaming) suddenly the "me" in my dream stands up and plays this flute solo quite beautifully. In fact, as I was playing, I remember thinking to myself "whoa - where did that come from?!" - although I noticed a few mistakes, it didn't seem like the audience noticed.
My solo ended with uproarious applause, and suddenly I was back in my dressing room, taking off the creamy peach-colored dress I had been wearing, when my husband brought me a magazine. My face was on the cover, and as I sat in surprise, criticizing the picture of myself (as always), he flipped to a long article that was all about me! It showed pictures of me laughing, dancing, and all I remember is a) I looked like I was in fabulous shape, and b)why would anyone print an article about me. Who was I?
Ah, but that's the ever-burning question, isn't it. Who am I? What am I here for? Who was I in the past? It seems for the past couple of years I've been asking myself that non-stop. Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose in this life?
I've always been musically inclined. That is, I can sing. I have no talent whatsoever when it comes to playing any instruments - of course, I never really tried, or had the opportunity to try. I've been thinking about a piano for a few months now, feeling the urge to learn to play...it seems there is this creative side of me that's been yearning to break free of this corporate business-chick I seem to have morphed into.
It was my childhood dream to be a singer, and that dream has pretty much come and gone. The only singing I get to do these days is behind the wheel, or in the shower. Sometimes I may do some karaoke, but that's not really my thing these days. Somehow I lost faith in myself, I started to doubt that I had any talent, or that anyone would want to hear me sing, though my memories say quite the opposite. I miss getting together with the guys I used to create music with; all that seems like a lifetime ago now.
If this dream taught me anything today, it's that I need to quit being so damn critical of myself. I'm not sure when or how I became my own worst enemy, but that needs to stop. Once I do, who knows the amazing things about me I may discover...?
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